The Distrust Dilemma

Growing up in a culture that values the “word of honor,” (or “ulay lalake” as we call it in my province) where individuals make commitments and follow through without constant reminders, I’ve witnessed the power and trust that such integrity can foster. However, my encounters with people who have experienced a series of broken promises have shed light on a different reality.

It seems that when people repeatedly encounter untrustworthy individuals who fail to keep their word, they project their past experiences onto others. This projection manifests in a cascade of follow-ups and inquiries, seeking reassurance and confirmation. As someone who upholds the principles of reliability and timely delivery, I find myself caught in the crossfire of this misplaced distrust.

The constant barrage of follow-ups, reminders, and requests for updates begins to wear on me. I start questioning my own integrity, wondering why my commitments are met with such skepticism. I reflect on the promise I made and try to peruse my track record of following through with what I said yes to, assuring myself that I clearly communicated the deadline or completion date. Yet, the persistent follow-ups create a subtle form of (what I now understand to be) gaslighting, making me doubt the integrity of my own words and intentions.

This phenomenon, which I will start calling as the “Distrust Dilemma,” highlights the complex struggle faced by those who strive to uphold their commitments to an individual whose trust has been repeatedly shattered. It sheds light to the unwarranted suspicion received by people who uphold their word of honor.

In darts or billiards there’s this concept of calling the shot. It’s when the player says “I’ll hit 22” (darts) or “I’ll make the 8 ball go to the side pocket” (billiards).

The part of this I can control is I’ll simply have to keep calling the shots.

Where goes my eye, goes my arrow.

Every time.